How to get a Flat Stomach

As a part time aerobics instructor, one of the questions that people ask most frequently is – “How do I get a flat stomach?”

Of course many people think if they do a few stomach exercises like sit-ups or crunches that this will do the trick.

Unfortunately this is not strictly true.

Flat stomachs materialise from a variety of methods, the mains ones are listed below:

 Low Fat/Low Calorie controlled diet

 Regular Aerobic Exercise

 Liposuction/Tummy Tuck

I am of course sorry to have to put the one about the tummy tuck in the above list, but unfortunately it’s true for some people. There are cases where no amount of exercise and dieting will get rid of excess skin or fat pockets. Obviously tummy tucks are a last resort, and should only be considered when diet and exercise have failed!

So for the diet side of things, don’t pretend you don’t know what to do, but if you want advice, there are millions of books out there, and millions of weight loss classes willing to take your money to put you on their scales every week!

The Regular Aerobic Exercise can consist of any of the following:

 Walking

 Jogging

 Aerobic Workouts

 Any exercise that gets you breathing at an ‘aerobic’ level for around 15-20 minutes

You are probably now asking – “What is an aerobic level?”

To put it simply it is any exercise that makes you out of breath, but not so out of breath that you can’t hold a conversation whilst doing it.

The majority of evidence suggests that if you go over this level to a point where you are absolutely knackered and can hardly breathe or talk, you are no longer burning fat!

So basically - Take it steady for around 15-20 minutes at least. Do this 3-4 times a week, eat sensibly and eventually the pounds/kilos will start to drop off. Don’t forget to do some stretches at the end of each exercise session. For stretching tips go to

http://exercise.about.com/cs/flexibility/l/blstretch.htm - there are some good pictures with instructions on there to help you.

So, as mentioned above, although stomach exercises alone won’t necessarily make you get a flat stomach, they can still feature at the end of your aerobic exercise. You can also put other muscle exercises in, like thighs, buttocks and arms. All these types of muscle exercises will help to tone the muscles, which can in turn help your
posture. And of course learning to stand tall and hold your tummy in (whilst still breathing of course) can indeed make your stomach look flatter.

And as any self-respecting instructor would say – always check with your doctor before taking up a new exercise regime, to make sure that cardiovascular exercise is safe for you.

The Holly Johnson Day

Yes, this was one frighteningly exciting day.

I used to have a boyfriend that worked on the Richard and Judy Show. He told me that the Mavericks were going to appear on the show the following week. As I had recently become a bit of a fan of the Mavericks, I arranged to go to London so I could perhaps meet them in the Green Room after they’d been on air.

When the day came, I packed my Mavericks CD’s (so I could get them autographed), and off I went.

So there I am, in the Green Room of the Richard and Judy Show, awaiting the arrival of the Mavericks with baited breath.

I sit watching the Producers, Floor Managers and Camera Crew as they are buzzing around and chatting about the morning show:

“Holly Johnson’s gonna be arriving in about 30 minutes” says one of the crew.

My eyes widen – had I just heard that right? Holly Fucking Johnson, of Frankie Goes to Hollywood fame? No way, this couldn’t be happening…

‘Errrrr you mean Holly Johnson is on the show today’? I ask with panic in my voice.

‘Yeap‘ trills the girl.

‘Oh my god’ I reply.

The crew look at me, smile sweetly, then carry on with their chat about the schedule…

My face starts burning, and my heart starts beating like drum. The massive 80’s icon Holly Johnson is appearing on the show today? ‘Christ I think I need an ambulance’ I thought. This is nearly as scary as being told Madonna is about to walk through the door.

So next thing I know, the Mavericks arrive – it’s all very pleasant, they sign my albums, then one of them actually sings an old Beatles song to me.

Now, I wait with anticipation, the great man Holly Johnson is going to arrive any time now. Perhaps I might catch a glimpse.

What will I do if he comes in the room??? I suddenly become terrified – and for safety, I move into the corner and sit with a magazine. ‘This is a good place to hide, and I can pretend I have no interest in him!’

Then it happens – Holly Johnson walks in. I immediately place the magazine firmly in front of my face… The crew have a few words with him, then LEAVE HIM. Leave him. Yes they leave him - went off do their floor managing etc and LEAVE HIM, alone with me…

This was heart attack material…

He looks across at me and says ‘Hi’

‘Oh hi’ I say, peering over the top of the magazine, like I’d only just realised he was there.

‘I’m thinking of going up to the canteen in a bit’ he says.

‘Oh right’ I say

‘Yes – what’s the food like?’ he replies.

‘I don’t know actually, I’ve never been to the canteen, I’m just visiting for the day’ I say.

‘Oh I see - has anyone ever told you that you look like Caroline Aherne?’

‘Errr, no I can’t say they have’ I reply and start to smile…

‘Yes you really do – it’s amazing!’ he says grinning.

I laugh, not really believing I’m having small talk with an 80’s icon.

At this point I realised that Holly Johnson is human, and he is talking to me like I’m one of his neighbours or something!

He starts to wander towards the door

‘Anyway I think I’ll go and try out the canteen – see you later!’

He smiles and walks out.

At this point I’m completely elated and flabbergasted that I have just chatted to the wonderful Holly Johnson, and wonder why I never actually owned one of those ‘Relax’ T-shirts back in the 80’s…

Holly me old pal, – if you ever read this, I’d love it if you popped over for afternoon tea one Sunday…

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Ironers and Non-Ironers

I find it extremely strange when in passing, people say:

‘I’ve got a massive pile of ironing at home’

I wonder to myself why is it a ‘massive pile of ironing?’ why isn’t it ‘a massive pile of clothes that need putting away?’.

The way I see it is, firstly, if you are piling the clothes up, you are putting the job off. Secondly, as the pile gets bigger, you are creating a longer and more tedious job for yourself. Why would you do this?

I don’t iron. In my opinion, I have better things to do with my time. (like writing about not ironing).

Here are a few tips to help all the Ironers out there:

Put your washed clothes in the Tumble drier, then when they are dry, take them out (while still warm) and flatten them with your hands on a flat surface. It takes about 5 seconds per item. Then if you have time, hang them up/put them away. Done. Simple.

Thinking about it, the only things that might ever need ironing are standard cotton shirts, which is why you shouldn’t buy them. So, if you must have a shirt, either buy one that is non-iron, or alternatively buy one that is crinkly in style, so it goes in the wash crinkly and comes out crinkly. Very easy as you don’t even need to use the surface flattening technique.

People who iron (Ironers), have probably never thought of the above things.

I used to live in a bed sit shared with 2 other people. We didn’t really speak to one another. One was a mad type, and the other was a petty type. Obviously nothing wrong with mad people, but the petty should really leave me alone…

One morning I found a note pushed through my door saying that there was an unwashed pan which had been lying around in the kitchen for over 3 days, and that as this was a shared kitchen, please would I consider the other residents and wash it up! It was of no surprise to find the note was signed off by Mr Petty.

Hmmm, I looked in the kitchen, it wasn’t even my pan! It must have been the pan of Miss Mad.

As Mr Petty was such an annoying wanker, I thought it would be best for me to calmly point out the tosser’s mistake.

Later that day I knocked on his door – he opened it, I was horrified to see him in his full splendour, standing behind an ironing board, – ironing, of all things - a sheet! to make matters worse the sheet was brown. (turd brown). It’s hard to say more…

Obviously I have nothing against Ironers. Some of my best friends are Ironers, but it has to be said that I’m sure Ironers and Non-Ironers will never completely understand one another…

Beach Path Alcudia Mallorca

This is the path next to the Hotel Condesa de la Bahia

Time Tested Beauty Tips

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.

For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.

For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.

For beautiful hair, let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.

For poise, walk with the knowledge you'll never walk alone.

People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; Never throw out anybody.

Remember, If you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm. As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.

The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, but true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows, and the beauty of a woman with passing years only grows!

--Sam Levenson

Contrary to many internet postings and email-go-rounds, Audrey Hepburn didn't write this lovely poem.

Sam Levenson wrote "Time Tested Beauty Tips" for his grandchild, and it just so happened to become one of Audrey's favorite poems. The poem was then mis-attributed to her, after it was known that she liked it and had read it to her children.

The Gingery Man and Dougal

I’ve lived in this street for nearly 11 years now.

I used to see the man sitting on the park bench at the end of the road, he was a big fat man with a gingery beard and his clothes looked like they needed a good wash.

He was there every day, with a faithful dog that could have been Dougal from the Magic Roundabout. The gingery man could have been Father Christmas at the wrong time of year.

Although people passing, would stop and talk to him, they didn’t sit down. I felt sorry, he looked lonely.

The gingery man looked trampish, but there was a day when I noticed that Dougal had had a haircut, which made me smile inside.

Sometimes when I drove by I used to think that one day I would stop and chat to the gingery man and Dougal like others did. Perhaps he would look at me like I was mad, or perhaps not.

It has just hit me - I haven’t seen the gingery man for ages, it’s probably a year, maybe more. I have a sad feeling he has gone forever... I wonder what happened to the dog…..