Ironers and Non-Ironers

I find it extremely strange when in passing, people say:

‘I’ve got a massive pile of ironing at home’

I wonder to myself why is it a ‘massive pile of ironing?’ why isn’t it ‘a massive pile of clothes that need putting away?’.

The way I see it is, firstly, if you are piling the clothes up, you are putting the job off. Secondly, as the pile gets bigger, you are creating a longer and more tedious job for yourself. Why would you do this?

I don’t iron. In my opinion, I have better things to do with my time. (like writing about not ironing).

Here are a few tips to help all the Ironers out there:

Put your washed clothes in the Tumble drier, then when they are dry, take them out (while still warm) and flatten them with your hands on a flat surface. It takes about 5 seconds per item. Then if you have time, hang them up/put them away. Done. Simple.

Thinking about it, the only things that might ever need ironing are standard cotton shirts, which is why you shouldn’t buy them. So, if you must have a shirt, either buy one that is non-iron, or alternatively buy one that is crinkly in style, so it goes in the wash crinkly and comes out crinkly. Very easy as you don’t even need to use the surface flattening technique.

People who iron (Ironers), have probably never thought of the above things.

I used to live in a bed sit shared with 2 other people. We didn’t really speak to one another. One was a mad type, and the other was a petty type. Obviously nothing wrong with mad people, but the petty should really leave me alone…

One morning I found a note pushed through my door saying that there was an unwashed pan which had been lying around in the kitchen for over 3 days, and that as this was a shared kitchen, please would I consider the other residents and wash it up! It was of no surprise to find the note was signed off by Mr Petty.

Hmmm, I looked in the kitchen, it wasn’t even my pan! It must have been the pan of Miss Mad.

As Mr Petty was such an annoying wanker, I thought it would be best for me to calmly point out the tosser’s mistake.

Later that day I knocked on his door – he opened it, I was horrified to see him in his full splendour, standing behind an ironing board, – ironing, of all things - a sheet! to make matters worse the sheet was brown. (turd brown). It’s hard to say more…

Obviously I have nothing against Ironers. Some of my best friends are Ironers, but it has to be said that I’m sure Ironers and Non-Ironers will never completely understand one another…